Set Your Tivo for the Favre-a-thon: Non-stop Coverage of the News You’ve Already Heard 179,846 Times

For those of you who are breathing sighs of relief that the Favre saga is finally over, think again. It’s not over at all. It’s only just begun. Prepare for an entirely new level of over-coverage and over-analyzation by ESPN, the NFL Live crew and so on. You thought the Michael Vick coverage was over the top? The Favre to the Jets story will make the Vick story look like a trade between the Nationals and the Royals for a minor league reliever.
Throughout the pre-season, every episode of SportsCenter, NFL Live, Mike and Mike, Cold Pizza, Around the Horn, PTI and others will start with Brett Favre. They will break down every three-step drop he makes in practice and every interaction he has with a teammate, coach, fan, John Madden and Elvis. every time he makes a good pass in a pre-season game, they will show it 42,987 times throughout the day. Throughout the regular season, they will critique every pass he throws, every decision he makes and every audible he calls.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved Brett Favre and the way he plays the game. However, I think we’re all pretty sick of ESPN’s non-stop coverage of the story. I’m just warning you of what to expect this football season. If you’re a fan of any team other than the Jets or Packers, don’t expect to hear about your team very much at all. The 2008-2009 NFL season will revolve around and be dominated by Brett Favre.
Here are some quotes I fully expect to hear on ESPN in the upcoming months:
1) Mark Schlereth- “Brett Farve gives the Jets the best possible chance to win, and that’s all you can ask for from your starting quarterback. “
2) Wendy Nix- “Today during practice, Favre took 71% of the snaps, threw 42 passes, took seven five-step drops, ran to the left twice and the right three times, threw two touchdowns, fumbled one, threw one interception, had four balls batted away, threw 20 incompletions and called six audibles. He also smiled twice, grimaced nine times, wiped the sweat from his brow 18 times, scratched his crotch 11 times, re-adjusted his pants 14 times and his shoulder pads twice (once after a sack, after which he took his helmet off and then put it back on), drank two bottles of water, four cups of gatorade and took a few swigs of an unidentified liquid. He also took two bathroom breaks. The first was for a quick pee, the second time he was in there longer. When reporters asked him if he’d taken a dump, he grinned and said “Go in there and see for yourself”. . . from Jets camp, Wendy Nix, ESPN.
John Clayton- “Farve may have more hair on his face than I do on my entire body. “
Sean Salisbury- “Shut up John! What are you thinking Brett? You could have had $20 million dollars just to stay retired! That could have funded another appearance for me in a movie role. “
Jim Rome- Brett Farve is amazing. Phenomenal. Outstanding. He’s the real deal. He put the eeze in cheese for so many years in the frozen tundra. Now he’s a New York Jet. Yes, you heard me correctly. Number four is a Jet. Not ON a jet, like flying on a jet back and forth to Green Bay like he did 16 times the last two weeks. He’s a member of the New York Jets. Good luck, Eric Mangini. Are you shaking in your boots, Bill? The reign of the Pats is over like a bad Michael Jackson story. Thank goodness. Now we can all get on to more important things, like Gilbert Arenas’s blog. Incredible. Remarkable. Enjoy Mr. Aaron Rodgers, Packer fans. Jets fans, enjoy watching a legend at work this season. Chad who? Phenomenal.
Ron Jaworski- “I know I love to talk and over-emphasize every other word, but I’m truly speechless right now. ” (Applause breaks out from Trey Wingo, who calls for a champange toast).
Ricky Williams- “Yeah, I hope we trade for Chad Pennington. Can the guy play quarterback? I have no idea really. I just hope he can bring some of that great northern weed down here for me. “
PacMan Jones- “Brett is gonna love going from Green Bay to New York, just for the nightclubs. “
Skip Bayless- “The Packers have got to be the dumbest organization on the face of the earth. You just let the player, a future Hall-of-Famer, who has defined your team and is the face of your organization, go to another team for a draft pick. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Now let me drink my Diet Moutain Dew in peace, and you two Stews can arm wrestle for who gets to take Dana out for lunch today. Where is my Hot Pocket? I’m starving here. These interns suck!”
Jay Mariotti- “Of course this was a good idea. The Packers rid themselves of this entire exhausting distraction and Aaron Rodgers can now sleep at night. Of course, when Rodgers gets hurt or the first time he struggles, Packer fans will be storming the gates of Lambeau and the heads will roll. “
Woody Paige- “You’re an idiot, Jay! Even my four-month old nephew knows this was a bad idea!”
Tony Kornheiser- “The only way this could get any better is if Brett tries out for American Idol. “
Mike Wilbon- “Screw American Idol! It’s dumb, lame entertainment! I’m going to watch the NBA summer league and whatever is on Bravo tonight. “
John Madden- “I love Brett Favre more than Tony Romo loves himself, more than Tom Brady loves Adam Vinatieri, more than Oprah loves a sob story, more than Green Bay loves cheese. I will miss Brett as bad as I miss the telestrator in the booth and Al Michaels. Ya see, Brett playing for the Jets won’t be nearly the same as Brett playing for the Packers. Heck, I think they even wear different uniforms. ”